This girl, she is my heart. Of course, you all know that each of my kids is my heart. But oh, this one. This photo was actually taken of her laying down at the doctor's office. She was supposed to get a shot, hence the unhappy expression. Minutes later we discovered she had strep throat, so joy of joys, no shot after all. But I digress....
Who KNEW that life raising this child would be as hard, or harder, than raising a child with autism? I didn't! Seriously! I thought that if I was ever blessed to have another baby after Ab.by, it would be a dream come true. It is a dream come true, just a more difficult dream than I thought.
She's so opinionated. She's always sure she's right. She won't budge on a decision once she has decided. She doesn't listen to me. She doesn't care what I think or what I say. Yet she's kind, and gentle, and giving. She's a friend to anyone who needs one. She seeks out the loneliest or saddest child around the playground and plays with them.
She's much more unsure of herself that I would expect given her headstrong nature. She says sometimes that she has no friends. She says everyone at school makes fun of her. She says she's stupid, and a failure. Where does she hear these words? They are like knife blades entering my heart whenever she says them. I've (no WE'VE) tried so hard to instill a healthy self image. We've tried to show her that no matter what society says about girls, or women, or HER, that she's what she wants to be. She controls her destiny. She's smart, and funny, and amazing. Life is work, and anything worth having is worth working for, no matter what. She knows these things, and yet she still falters.
She's only seven. Soon she'll be eight. I hope that as the years go by, the lessons we're trying to teach her now will come to fruition. I hope the girls aren't as mean to her as I know they could be. I hope her ego gets strong enough to say "So?" to anyone who would be mean to her just to make themselves feel bigger.
I hope. I hope, I hope, I hope. For this child, I hope.
1 comment:
This post really resonated with me. I'm a middle child too. I have strong opinions, but as a child, it showed up in stubborness. However, even knowing this about myself, I remember thinking that people might not like me because of just that fact. It always worried me. I liked myself, but relationships were so special and valuable to me. So, if I hurt a friend by being who I was, it was difficult. I've learned over the years that few, close, friends are what really bring me joy. People who understand how I think, and who are bonded for life. It only takes a "soul" friend to lift my spirits when I am down. Words of affirmation from them are like honey....that I can drink deep down. She might also be a kind of "first" child in some ways too. I bet she wants to be so pleasing, she is putting more pressure on herself than anyone else would. What a special child.
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